hello there, wow its been a while. i hope you are all well and good. im okay. hmmm i dont know how i feel or what to feel....content, sad, tired, sick, happy. a lot has happened and time sucks, please stop or can we go backwards?! gosh some days i wish i could go on a coma or wake up and find that it was all a dream. things change so fast especially during this winter when things should be dormant. fuck! why? i dont want to let go. i dont want things to change. i dont like goodbyes. i dont like death. im trying so hard to be upbeat and make the most of now coz that's what we have, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not guaranteed and that leaves this moment and what are you going to do about it? how are you going to use this time? im suppose to like change, my aquarian sun likes change but my taurus moon hates it. change is good, i dont mind change but when it comes to those i love....no, please be here always and forever. urghhhh. i am making the most of this time to be joyful & grateful, to make more happy memories but i have moments when i slip into this helpless & scared feeling, it seems to be haunting me and i just want it to fuck off, how?! i've been feeling sick the last couple of days and today i decided to take a day off work. i rested and also got a lot of things done, i think i spent my time well ;] hmmm there is only so much time to feel sadness, we've got to live!!! to be here now...to be happy...soooo happy that doubt and sorrow disappears from embarassment haha just breathe and smile. soooo why did i chose this photo. i think it represents hope and faith....that its gonna be okay, it will be. take care <3
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